How my life changed the day you were born...

Before your arrival, I can remember sitting in the waiting room at the hospital full of anxiety and anticipation. Your Dad Steven and Grandma Patti were there as well. They were laughing and making jokes, like they typically did when they were together, but I was quiet and full of nerves. We didn't know what was going to happen after you arrived. So many hospital visits and check ups on your well being before this day. So many doctors attempting to diagnose you pre birth. Your Dad almost acted as if he knew it was all going to be okay. He was calm and smiling, like he was most of the time. 

You came in to this world a screaming mess and to my surprise and the surprise of the doctors, you were perfect. Dad Steven quickly got to hold you while they took care of mom. While in recovery, you were brought in to me, which was completely unexpected. I held you and loved on your perfection. I didn't see you again for another day, as you were taken off to the NICU. Once in there, you proved to us all that you were just fine. You were Jake and you were ready to take on this world.

From the moment you were born, you belonged to me. You were my commitment, you gave me a voice, you  taught me how to be a fighter and how to question authority. You gave me confidence and a heart to see past differences or things that were scary and love unconditionally.

Your 6 years has not been the easiest of most 6 year olds. Between hospital stays, blood draws, the loss of a Dad 9 days after your 1st birthday, the upheaval of life and the calm after the storm, you have remained my love, my cuddle, my compassionate kid.  Maybe you will grow to be a nurse or a doctor. You apply band-aids to Jacksons hands each time he is here and last night you made me a card that said, "I hope you feel beder mom" because the cold season has finally caught up to me. You crawl in bed with me because you need to snuggle and what you don't know is I need it too. You remind me to stop and look around and you are the sweetest of sweets. Before you turned two, you gained another Dad who loved you from the start. Dad Travis was anxious to jump in and show you love and comfort beyond measure. Dad laid with you in the hospital, comforted you at night and became your protector. You were slow to give him the love in return, but once you grabbed his leg in an unfamiliar place he knew you were his. You've always been a mamas boy, but you know Dad is the strongest guy you know. Although you have figured out how to push Bryce's buttons beyond measure, he is your best friend. You adore your baby brother to the point that you are far too rough when hugging him or feeling the need to rub your face on the top of his head, but you are a lover. You will have your heart broken too many times but each time will be a lesson learned. And each time, my heart will break with you. You want to live at Disneyland and you want to feed a rhino. You wake up each morning bouncing off the walls and jumping around when I am just trying to get downstairs to the coffee pot. You love movies and anything IronMan. You like video games and you are the artist in our home. I think you may attempt to cuddle up in my lap until you leave for college and I'm totally okay with that, although you say you're not going to college because you want to live with Mom forever, and I'm okay with that too.

​Happy 6th Birthday Jake. I look forward to seeing where this next year takes us. You are always an adventure.

As I sit here and type this, I can remember exactly what I was doing at this exact moment 8 years ago. I had been started on pitocin 27 hours previous and had been in active labor going on 18 hours. I was done. I was exhausted. I couldn't dilate past a 7. I just wanted this stubborn baby out. We didn't know what we were having. We decided to make our first pregnancy that much more exciting and not find out, to all of our family and friends dismay. I was sure it was a boy. Most everyone else was sure it was a girl. A boy, Bryce Jeffrey. A girl Ryann Moranda. By midnight on Mother's Day, I had officially had enough. When the nurse said I could possibly be dilated to a 9 and another nurse checked and confirmed I was still a 7, I was over it. The epidurals hadn't worked for me either so I was feeling it all. By 1am my heart rate jumped and the babies dropped and a c-section it was. I was in so much pain from the spinal, I told the anthologist I may just pass out. He said that was fine, I could. Um...no! I didn't know what we were having! When Bryce came screaming in to this world, I remember the Dr was shocked that we didn't know what it was. He held him up, covering the boy parts and then moved his hand. I remember Steven saying, "Its a boy!". I said, "I know!" (because I always had that feeling). We took a quick picture with him, I looked at his sweet smushed face and I passed out. 

Best Mother's Day ever. 

8 years later, this boy has challenged me in ways I never thought possible. He gives me so many firsts. In his first 3 years, he was his Daddys sidekick. He was always silly and always screaming, even just for fun. He's loud and loves to make anyone laugh. He will do anything for a laugh. He's gentle and soothing and sweet, other than to Jake. He and Jake have a love/hate relationship. They fight constantly, but are completely lost without each other. Bryce is smart. Things come to him easily. Its hard watching him not put effort in to things because he knows he can just do it and you know that if he put a little more effort in to it, he could be amazing, but he doesn't need to be amazing in his world, he already is and I love that about him.

Bryce has been a source of strength, forgiveness and understanding in this short life of his that has dealt him some major blows. He continues to move forward with an opinion, a voice and a light heart. 

I love this kid beyond words. He made me a mom. He is a spitting image of his Dad, and he loves unconditionally. I look forward to the next 8 years with him, although the thought of him being 16 in 8 years scares the crap out of me. Taking it day by day with this kid. He blows my mind and I love every bit of it.