After talking with Travis last night, I am so relieved that I am not the only one here freaking out a little. Okay, maybe a lot. Reality is setting in. We have 1 month before we move out of our home. Our home we have been in for exactly 4 years on our move out date. As small and as much work as this house needs, we've made it our home. Its cozy and perfect. Last night I realized we would no longer have a "home". A place to come back to. Space from one another when needed. The more I type this, the more freaked out I get. I love camping. One of the best parts about it is coming home and taking a long hot shower afterwards. Not going to happen this time around. My hope is that this doesn't feel like camping. Hence the reason we completely renovated the trailer. We want it to feel like a home. We want it to feel like our space. It will function exactly the way we need it to. I hope.

While talking to Travis, his biggest fear is the adjustment period. Our entire routine is about to change. No more school days and attempting to rush out the door. A majority of us in this household are not morning people. Do we have a set wake up time? Do we have a set bedtime? Or do we just casually go with the flow? We've always had  pretty set routine for the boys sake. Now to just chuck that out the window and chill...hmmm...
The little things will change. Shower times for the boys, our dinner and bedtime routine, school work, our work, all of it. We will be adjusting to one another adjustments. Believe me, I know this will not just be a walk in the park. I am aware that as a family of 5 and 2 large dogs, we will need all of the patience we can get.

What I've heard is it takes about 3 months. 3 months of questioning it all, wondering what the hell we've done and if we've made the biggest mistake ever. 

Although we are freaking out, the excitement of it all does outweigh that. The adventure, the unknown the plans and ideas, the people and places we will visit, the opportunity to see and go anywhere and the amount of learning the boys are going to be able to do outside of a classroom and in the world. This is why we are doing this. We are confident in our decision, but a little freaked out. 

Escaping the day to day, that's exactly what I feel like we are doing. Sometimes I feel guilty, as if we are running away. I've struggled with this idea for a while now. I feel guilty leaving our family and our friends, setting out on a "vacation" with no end. When we tell people what we are doing, their first reaction is, "wow, how are you going to do this?". Within minutes their reaction then turns into, "I wish I could do that." which then reminds we that we can do it, so we need to. 

This idea would not have sat well with me 6 years ago. When I was married to Steven, I was so set in the idea of settling down, buying a home, raising our kids, soccer games on the weekends, running them around from school to sports to dr visits and squeezing in any me time where I could find fit. Chaos and the life I was taught was the "American Dream." This was the life we were all raised to believe was the right way to do it. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this. It's great if that all seems to work out for you. I started that life. I bought the house, settled down, starting raising my two kids with my then husband, only to have it all ripped out from under my feet. Losing my husband was a stark reminder that I am not in control. From that day forward, I was never settled. In comes Travis and we find our home together, we start to raise the boys and add another, and I still, in my heart was not settled in the day to day. There is so much living to do and I felt like we were stressed, tired and watching it all go by.

 When this idea popped up, Travis and his adventurous heart ran with it, and so began our plans of hitting the road and experiencing a new day to day, everyday. We are lucky to completely be on the same page, we are lucky to have jobs that give us the ability to live this lifestyle. We are lucky. We don't take that for granted. 

What I hope to gain from this, I hope that as a family, we rely more on one another. We focus more on one another. As a mom, I find my mind is constantly thinking about the next month ahead and each and every thing happening each and every day. Trying to keep our schedule on track between doctor appointments, school activities, sports, more doctor appointments, birthday parties, work, work and more work. I don't feel focused on what is important, those three little man cubs waking up each morning in my home, in need of my full attention. My husband, who is constantly on the go, making ends meet and keeping me sane. 

What are we giving up? The ability to have our family and friends a quick drive away. We are leaving the comfort of our neighborhood and our routine. We are going to miss events and celebrations and for that, we are sad. Grandparents have played such an important role in our kids lives and they have kept us sane. From a quick phone call and drop off, we get a date night here and there. We will miss that. Yet, I remind myself that so many people don't have that luxury because work has taken them further from their parents and families. We are giving up all of our stuff and I couldnt be more excited about it. The weight of a garage packed with crap we don't touch, closets filled with toys that never get touched, too many clothes that I hope to fit into agin, crap, crap and more crap. Selling it all. The desks, the dressers, the dining table and chairs and shelves that all hold things we hang on to because we can. Not because we need it. I cant wait to rid of that weight.  

Maybe it takes a loss or a life experience to come to this way of living. Maybe it takes an adventurous heart and mind actually do it. Maybe it just takes an idea. Whatever it is, we are doing it. Call it escaping, call it running away, call it whatever, but we are doing it.

I am also aware that this lifestyle will not be perfect. I've heard there is an adjustment period like no other. I love camping, but I always love coming back home and taking a long hot shower. 300sq ft of living space with 4 boys and two dogs, lord help me. But the pros outweigh the cons. We will need a whole lot of patience.  

We will be back, we will visit often. We do still have a blossoming photography business and we will be back often. Yet in between, we will be nomads, adventurous and a family living each day differently, together on the road.